Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize