i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
