No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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