I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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