so explain again why im purple
no
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
