I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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