Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
