last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize