How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize