In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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