So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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