I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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