This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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