i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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