They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
