I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
