wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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