And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
