I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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