You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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