theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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