I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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