I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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