So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
