So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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