Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
