The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
