this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
