How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
