clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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