Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
