i permit you to call me
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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