not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
