Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
