The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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