i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
