if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
