if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
