There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
