I feel great
I just peed on a car
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
