I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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