Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Randomize
