PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
