the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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