Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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