Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
