bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
