We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
