Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
