I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
