Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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