Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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