My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
