I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
