I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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