On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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