Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
