Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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