he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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