dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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