were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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