I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize